Cookies of Chaos
by Bobcat Moran
Summary: This is why you should never let robots get bored. The robot masters are taking over Skull Castle’s kitchen in an attempt to make chocolate chip cookies. Chaos ensues.
1. A Dark and Stormy Night

**Dedication:** To my eighth grade Family and Consumer Sciences class.

**Disclaimer**: Alas, I do not own Forte, Dr. Wily, or any of the robot masters. Well, except for Forte and Quick Man. Yep, I've got them sitting right here on my bookshelf, and they're mine, all mine, mwahaha . . . oh, wait. Those are just action figures. Never mind. I guess they're all still property of Capcom, then, and neither I nor my action figures are making any money off of this just-for-fun fanfic.

Special thanks to Rumorgirl411 for coming up with the title.

-o-o-o-

It was a dark and stormy night. The dark part wasn't all that unusual -- night, as a rule, tends to be dark. The stormy part, however, was out of the ordinary and was one of the main reasons why Forte was bored out of his mind.

The black-armored robot was slouched on a couch in what had been dubbed the "sitting room" of Wily's latest Skull Castle ("Sitting room? Why?" "Because there's lots of stuff to sit on."), picking at the edge of a hole he had found in the armrest, trying to think of something, _anything_ to do. He had briefly considered going out and attacking Rockman again, but word was that the little blue freak was out of the country at some robotics conference. Blues was probably around, but he wasn't any fun to battle. While Rockman was kind of amusing with his pathetic attempts to win Forte over to his side, Blues seemed to opt for lecturing Forte on the importance of proper motivations. That was just plain annoying.

Besides, metal bodies and lightning didn't mix. Actually, what he'd normally be doing at this point would be resorting to bothering Wily until the old man found him something to do, but the scientist was working on that new girly robot, and after a series of interruptions that morning, Wily had declared that the next robot to knock on the door uninvited would be used for parts.

Forte was pondering why, if they had a sitting room, did they not have a standing room, when a deep voice broke into his thoughts. "That's a nice hole you've got going there."

Forte glanced at the hole, which was now big enough to stick in two of his fingers. "Hey, Shadow Man," he replied, poking at the stuffing.

"Have you seen Spark Man anywhere?"

"He's probably up on the roof."

"Ah. And why would he be on the roof?"

"Possibly because someone told him that the Lightning Fairy would give him hands if he went up there to wait for her," Forte said, grinning maliciously.

Shadow Man rolled his eyes. "You know, you really shouldn't --"

"Oh, don't worry, he'll be able to handle the voltage. I think."

"You're terrible, you know that?'

"I try to be. What do you want him for, anyway?"

"Haven't you heard?" Shadow Man asked, surprised. "Some of the robot masters are baking cookies."

"Baking cookies. Right. They _do_ realize that none of us eat, don't they?"

"I think so. But they were bored, Star Man got this crazy idea that baking something would be a good idea, and so they headed off to the kitchen."

Forte couldn't believe what he was hearing. The last time any of the robot masters had tried baking anything, it had been a cake for Wily's birthday. Star Man had been the instigator for that, too. The resulting confection had been lopsided and covered in frosting the approximate color of bread mold. Wily had taken one bite and said, in no uncertain terms, that there were to be no more robots in the kitchen again. Ever. And, to emphasize the point, he installed a heavy-duty lock on the door the next day.

That reminded Forte of a possible hitch in the cookie baking plan. "How did they get into the kitchen?"

"They got Crash Man to open the door," Shadow Man replied. That made sense. Crash Man's typical method of opening anything usually involved blowing it up. "He's on the roof, you said?"

"Spark Man? Yeah."

"He'd like to know about this," the ninja robot said, heading off in the direction of the nearest ladder. 

Alone again, Forte poked at the couch's mutilated armrest a couple more times before heading off in the direction of the kitchen. _Maybe tonight won't be so boring after all_, he thought.


	2. Assembling the Ingredients

Forte was a couple of meters away from the kitchen when he heard a muffled _"KABLAMF"_ and saw a cloud of white coming out of the doorway. He picked up his pace, running the last few steps as he heard an exasperated voice say, "Crash, you are _not_ helping. Gimme that." As he peered in past the rubble of the kitchen door, Forte thought for a minute his optics must be malfunctioning. Everything was white. The counters, the floor, the various kitchen appliances, the angry-looking robot masters, and a guilty-looking Crash Man were all covered in off-white dust, the source of which had apparently been the remains of the flour bag that Star Man was holding.

"I was just trying to..." the bomb-handed robot started.

"Crash, did anyone ask you to open the flour?" Star Man asked.

"But I..."

"No, I told you to _hold_ the flour."

"But you..."

"Just don't touch anything else, okay?" Ignoring the glare coming from Crash Man, the orange robot asked, "Hey, Gyro, did you find the baking soda?" The propellered robot waved an orange box in response. "Okay, good. Sugar?"

"Over here!" Quick Man yelled.

"Butter?"

"We got it!" Gemini Man called from the far left corner.

"We also got the chocolate chips," shouted his clone from the far right.

"Eggs? Who was getting eggs?"

"I got them," Burst Man said. He wound back his arm, pretending to wind up for a throw. "Catch!" He then laughed as Star Man ducked. "Gotcha."

"Ha ha, very funny. Vanilla?"

Top Man skated by Star Man and thrust the bottle into his hands.

"Salt?"

"Yo," Wave Man said, holding up a salt shaker.

"All right, that just leaves nuts. Where are the nuts?"

"Look in the mirror, doofus," Forte muttered.

"Good one," a voice from somewhere around his elbow quietly said.

Forte glanced down. "Ice Man, you're here to bake?"

"Nah, I'm here to watch these loons. It's not like there's anything else to do around here."

"You're telling me."

"Nuts? C'mon, guys, who was supposed to find them?" Star Man asked impatiently.

Nobody responded. Then, off in the distance, they heard the clanking sound of metal feet approaching. Snake Man ran in, a bag in each hand. "Sorry it took me so long," the reptilian robot said. "I figured you might want some bolts to go with the nuts." He dropped the bags on the counter, then upended them, dumping out an assortment of small metal parts.

"All right," Star Man said, grinning. "We're all set. Now, how are we going to chop these nuts?"


	3. Baking for Dummies

"Idiots," Forte scoffed. "Why don't they just get Cut Man to chop up the nuts and bolts?"

"It's karaoke night," Ice Man pointed out.

"Oh, right. Hey, how come you aren't off with the rest of the first rebellion robots doing that?" Forte asked.

The smaller robot shrugged. "If you're small, it's easier to get overlooked."

"Easier to sneak off, you mean?"

"Well, you could put it that way. This seems like kind of an odd recipe. I mean, nuts? I thought humans couldn't eat metal."

"I dunno. It's not my problem if they can't." Forte leaned against the wall, settling in for what looked like a very entertaining evening.

-o-o-o-

Star Man hummed as he pulled out bowls, cookie sheets, measuring cups and spoons. This was definitely the best idea he'd had in ages. True, there had been that slight setback when Crash had exploded the flour bag, but nothing else could possibly go wrong, could it? He felt a tapping on his shoulder and turned around.

"Um, Star, uh, isn't this recipe kinda violent?" asked Top Man.

"Violent?"

Top Man looked down at the recipe he was holding. "Well, yeah. I mean, 'beat butter,' 'beat well after each addition,' 'beat in flour. . .'"

He suddenly found himself holding nothing but air. "You mean we get to beat stuff? Cool!" Burst Man exclaimed, examining the recipe. An approving murmur rose from the assembled robot masters. "We can totally do that! Star Man, this cooking thing is awesome."

_Should I tell them?_ Star Man thought, wondering how to break the news to the robot masters that, no, they wouldn't be beating things in the way they thought. "Uh, guys? It's not like that."

"Not like what?" Snake Man asked. "Beating up stuff is pretty straightforward."

"No," came the exasperated reply. "I mean, ë'at' is just another way of saying 'mix.' You're _mixing_ in the flour mixture, not pummeling it.

"Oh. Well, that sucks," Burst Man said. "I'm outta here." A few other grumbling robots followed him out.

Star Man shook his head as he watched them leave. "Morons," he muttered. Then he set to work assigning tasks to the other robot masters of mixing, measuring, and finding a hacksaw to cut up the nuts and bolts, as the recipe called for "chopped nuts," and the kitchen knives just didn't seem up to the task.

Aside from Gyro Man lifting the electric mixer out of the bowl without turning it off and splattering cookie dough everywhere, the cookies went together without a hitch. The last part of the directions was causing some confusion, though. "Drop by rounded tablespoon onto ungreased baking sheets." They didn't have any rounded tablespoons. They all seemed to come to a sort of point or were oval-shaped.

Gemini Man was digging through the silverware drawers in search of a rounded tablespoon when Top Man, self-appointed recipe master, cried out, "We missed the first step! We didn't preheat the oven!" Panic ensued. Would they have to start over?

Heat Man had an easy solution, however. "We don't need to _pre_heat it. I'll heat it right now." With that, he headed over to the oven, and there was a sudden blast of heat that left the plastic oven dials slightly melted.

"Great, good thinking," Star Man enthused. "Now we just need to wait for it to cool down."

Ice Man winced at the approach that they were taking. He turned to Forte. "You know that saying they have about how if you can't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen?"

"Yeah?"

"I can't stand the heat. I'm getting out of the kitchen. See ya."

"Later," Forte said. "Wimp," he added after Ice Man had left.

The first sheets of cookies went into the oven, and Quick Man almost immediately started to hound Top Man. "They have to be in there how long?"

"Nine to eleven minutes it says here."

"Can't we speed it up? That's forever. Hey, Star, can we turn up the oven temperature so the cookies bake faster?"

"I don't think we're supposed to do that," Star Man said.

"But, look, it just says to preheat the oven to that temperature. It doesn't say anything about keeping it there," Quick Man said, pointing at the recipe. "As soon as they're golden brown we can take them out."

"What's 'golden brown,' anyway?" Gemini Man asked. "Isn't gold a shade of yellow?"

"Yeah, these directions are really badly written," his twin said.

Gyro Man thought for a moment. "Hey, when we did the cake, we were supposed to stick a toothpick in the middle to see if it was done. Let's try that."

"We don't have any toothpicks," Heat Man pointed out.

"How about the spoon handle? That's made out of wood, right? And it's sort of long and skinny like a toothpick," Gyro Man said.

They opened the oven and stuck the spoon handle into the center of a cookie.

"Did it come out clean?" Star Man asked. "If it did, they're done."

"There's some chocolate on it," Gyro Man said, examining the handle.

"Well, then, put them back in for another few minutes."

A few minutes later, a repeat of the spoon handle test had a chocolate-free result, although, as Wave Man pointed out, the cookies looked more black than gold. Despite the color discrepancy, Star Man declared the results satisfactory, and the second batch of cookies went in. Quick Man persuaded Heat Man to give the oven a little boost, and in a matter of seconds, the cookies managed to reach a stage of charred blackness where the spoon handle came out clean, but only because it refused to go in at all.

Congratulations went all around on a most successful baking session, and the robot masters started to make plans on what to try next. After a little while of this, Forte started to get bored and left to find something else to do. As he was heading away from the kitchen, he saw Dr. Wily coming down the hall, heading towards the kitchen.

_Better them than me_, Forte thought, picking up the pace so as to be as far from the kitchen as possible when Wily got there.

-o-o-o-

"What on earth is going on in here!" yelled a voice from the doorway. Nine pairs of eyes swung over to look at the very irate Dr. Wily. "What do you morons think you're doing!"

Silence. Then, Star Man, gesturing towards the cookie sheets, spoke up. "We baked you some cookies. Would you like to try one?"

Dr. Wily looked askance at the misshapen, blackened lumps which seemed to have charred themselves onto the cookie sheets. Some of them had rather disturbingly silvery bits gleaming out of the carbonized blackness. He looked around the kitchen, at the dough-spattered ceiling, the robotic footprints in the layer of flour that covered the floor, and the lightly toasted look of anything within a two meter radius of the oven. Lastly, he looked at the robots, who were grinning hopefully at him.

"No. No cookies. And you idiots _will_ clean this up, and you _will_ fix the door, and you will _not_ enter this room. Ever. Again. Or I will take you apart and give your pieces to Gospel to play with. Do I make myself clear?"

"Sure thing, Dr. Wily, sir!" Star Man said brightly.

"Good." Dr. Wily walked over to the refrigerator, grabbed a can of soda pop, and left.

"So," Star Man said, as soon as he was sure that Wily was too far away to hear, "I've found this really neat-looking recipe for muffins. . . ."

**_-owari-_**

_Author's Notes: Well, that only took two years. Eep. _Huge _apologies to anyone who actually has been waiting that long for me to get my rear in gear and get this written and posted. And to anyone who's just seen this fic for the first time, hi! I hope you liked it._

_Please leave a review on your way out. Constructive criticism is especially welcome._


End file.
